


he is half of my soul, as the poets say

by completist



Series: when half of your heart will never come home (BF Angst Week 2019) [3]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Banana Fish Angst Week 2019, Canon Compliant, M/M, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 21:09:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17393753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/completist/pseuds/completist
Summary: 7. Aslan Jade Callenreese & Eiji Okumura.The sky outside weeps, lightning and thunder still chasing each other.He remembers everything, every lifetime and all its pain and beauty and joy and sorrow and—And he wouldn’t dare forget every single one of it.





	he is half of my soul, as the poets say

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! omg rlly rlly late fic for the day 3 of BF Angst Week! the prompts are tears || photograph
> 
> This is rlly just a simple reincarnation au of sorts :") because love transcends lifetimes, or whatevah (p sure with ash and eiji it rlly is tho)
> 
> and yes! i will finish the angst week! even if im late!

He began taking pictures around his seventh reincarnation.

At first he'd do portraits and keep it for as long as he can, but after a lifetime spent with his hands shaking and never finding them, he could no longer bring himself to try.

This time, he's called Eiji—born in Japan to two parents he absolutely adores, brother to a little sister that closely resembles the one he remembers from his fourth life.

And that's it, isn't it. He can remember all of them as clear as day, he cannot help but think how soon he's going to meet them. If he's still a he, this time. If he’d have the golden locks from the first life, and those bright blue eyes from the fifth.

The sky outside weeps, thunder and lightning still chasing each other.

Eiji remembers the first life really well. Remembers the time when their love was so raw and bright they felt like gods in the dawn of time, then came the war, how his death caused him to wage a one-man war against a kingdom and its gods. It was messy. It was painful and difficult. It was agonizing yet absolutely beautiful to have lived it. Eiji remembers their names, their story, and smiles whenever he sees book written about it—thinking it to be a myth.

He remembers a capsized ship, another war, the domesticity of a peaceful life spent in a farm. He remembers the nights spent writing about tragedy, the beauty and cruelty of love that transcends a lifetime. He remembers a life spent not knowing who they are, a lifetime spent never meeting them and the anxiety of never seeing them again.

He remembers the agony as they are continuously being ripped apart from one another after having been made to be together.

He remembers wanting to forget but never quite managing to do so.

 

 

 

Tomorrow, when the storm subsides, he'd fly to New York.

 

 

 

Ash Lynx.

He's called Ash Lynx. And he has the same hair as Eiji thought, and green eyes that doesn't know him yet.

Ash Lynx _, what a beautiful and fitting name_ , Eiji cannot wait to know the real one.

 

 

 

_“Have I told you?”_

_“Told me what?”_

_“Your hair doesn't quite sit right, here.”_

_“Hm.”_

_“And that sweat pools on top of your lips, and here, between your collarbone.”_

_“I don't think you've told me that yet.”_

_“I love you. Have I told you that?”_

_“Tell me again.”_

 

 

 

Eiji remembers that exchange as clear as day, his lips still tingling from the kiss Ash left him with, his hands steady as he gently peels open the message Ash gave him.

Some feelings transcend lifetimes.

As Eiji reads it and plans his next course of action, he cannot help but think what would it be this time. What would bring them apart, which one of them will leave the other first.

 

 

 

The sky outside is calm, like the universe doesn’t give a damn thing about what happened.

Eiji can still feel Shorter’s weight above him: heavy, unmoving, _lifeless._

He closes his eyes and prays to a god that made them do this dance over and over again. Eiji closes his eyes and prays desperately that maybe—just maybe _—_ Ash and Shorter’s friendship would also transcend a lifetime.

 

 

 

Ash looks empty, but Eiji would not— _cannot—_ look away.

 

 

 

Some nights, Eiji would lie awake, watching guard as Ash sleeps.

Some nights, Eiji would lie awake, thinking what they have is a curse—that somebody out there is playing a game with them, watching with joy as they are brought together again and again only to be ripped apart again and again and—

Some nights, Eiji would lie awake, look across at Ash and decides it’s worth it.

 

 

 

_“Will you ever stop drawing my ugly face?”_

_“I will not stop drawing you and your not-ugly face.”_

_“Hm. Do you remember?”_

_“Rem- Remember what?”_

_“That day, when you first asked if I’ll allow you to draw me.”_

_“Oh. Of course, I remember. I always remember.”_

_“Do you remember that I love you?”_

_“I do. And I will always remember.”_

 

 

 

Eiji began taking photos around his seventh reincarnation.

Ash lets him, the sun shining behind him as he sits on the window sill. Ash lets him, as he reads a book, glasses perched on his nose. Ash lets him, a small smile gracing his lips whenever he turns just in time when Eiji raises his camera.

Eiji began taking photos around his seventh reincarnation, and he knows it’d be more painful to say goodbye this time.

 

 

 

Sometimes, Eiji would list down the names they had over time, wonders if Ash would remember if he tells him all of it.

He does not try, he knows Ash wouldn’t remember a damn thing.

 

 

 

Ash still loves his cooking, but Ash will not look at Eiji’s photos of him.

 

 

 

_“Ökay, and here’s how you say goodbye.”_

_“Sa-yo-na-ra.”_

_“Sa-yo-na-ra.”_

 

 

 

His only thought is that Ash should never shout his name in anguish like that ever again.

But Eiji knows it will happen again, fate is cruel to them that way.

 

 

 

Ash is a weapon, a perfectly honed killer. His mind is his ultimate weapon, and his body the instrument he wields best. They might survive this together but it will always be like this, over and over—the universe would set their path together and then rip it apart.

Eiji wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

 

 

Eiji began taking photos in his seventh reincarnation, and he’s glad that he did so as he stares at the photos of Ash he took—beautiful, bright, _alive._

He stares at his photo of Ash sitting on the window sill as a new dawn breaks over the city.

He stares at Ash, and thinks of the scorching pain of having met him again, of being left alone again. He stares at Ash and decides that he would never regret straying close to the sun and let it bleed life into him even if it’ll leave him cold once the night creeps in.

He stares at Ash, and fervently wish they’ll see each other again, in another lifetime.

 

 

 

 

_7\. Aslan Jade Callenreese & Eiji Okumura. _

 

The sky outside weeps, lightning and thunder still chasing each other.

He remembers everything, every lifetime and all its pain and beauty and joy and sorrow and—

And he wouldn’t dare forget every single one of it.

**Author's Note:**

> title is a quote from Madeline Miller's The Song of Achilles.
> 
> hmu on [twitter](https://twitter.com/completist_) and [tumblr](http://queen---queer.tumblr.com/)


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